Discovering Your Partner’s Affair – How to Forgive and Move On

Nobody ever expects their partner to cheat on them, but when it happens, the discovery hits you with a strong mixture of anger, shock, and numbness. It will take a while for the fact to sink in truly, and when it does, you’ll be left with a bunch of questions with no answers. Why did my partner cheat on me? Where did I go wrong? How do I deal with this? Should I forgive my partner for having an affair?

Before you should even attempt to answer these questions, be true to your emotions and allow them to flow throughout and out of your body. Keeping your feelings bottled up or denying your emotions will only make you feel worse and cause more physical and emotional stress. So instead of doing that, follow your instincts and express your reaction the way you want to–but do your best to keep yourself from maiming your partner.

Once you’ve been able to release your emotions, you will be ready to rethink events in a more rational manner. You’ll probably look back at your relationship and wonder where things went wrong, and create a string of questions that can’t be answered just yet, such as why he or she cheated, and whether you should forgive your partner for it.  The answers to the former will come in time, and as for the answer to the latter, this all depends on your partner’s behaviour.

If your partner behaves coolly and indifferently when you confront him or her about the affair, then the relationship has just had its last gasping breaths. In this case, the affair is the last sign that shows your partner is no longer as into you as he or she used to.

There’s no point in trying to save your relationship if you’re the only one who wants to make things work. If your partner is genuinely remorseful for what he or she has done, there are several things you can do to improve relations between both of you.

First, try not to give the affair more power over your life and your relationship than it deserves. You can avoid this by not torturing yourself with visual images of the act and by reminding yourself that the affair had nothing to do with how he or she loves you.  What it means is that there is something lacking in the relationship and now is the perfect time to address that lack.

If you’re not ready to talk about the affair, tell your partner that you need more time to think. And when you are ready, concentrate on rebuilding your trust and forgiving your partner for what happened. This doesn’t mean that you’ll forget what happened; it merely shows that you’ve accepted the fact and are ready to move forward and rebuild a future together.

To keep yourself from getting pulled back into the past, focus on creating new memories together and exploring new ways to make each other.  Your partner obviously loves you, and you love your partner enough to have chosen forgiveness. Work as a team to help each other leave the past and concentrate on making your relationship affair-proof from now on.