Handling Possessive Feelings

Human beings have selfish tendencies, and it’s entirely natural to want to have your partner all to yourself. Being possessive, however, is an entirely different matter. For both men and women, possessiveness is a reaction driven by insecurity.

Those who are happy and confident about themselves will usually have faith that their partner will love them, and won’t feel a strong need to control the relationship or their partner.

An insecure person will doubt his or her partner’s dedication and may try to assert control to avoid feeling vulnerable and getting hurt. Unless you can keep insecurities in check, possessiveness can ruin the happiest of relationships.

The insecurities that fuel possessiveness come from bad experiences in the past, such as a relationship with an unfaithful partner or abandonment issues as a child. Often, these insecurities make their way to the surface at the start of most relationships, where both partners are still testing out the waters and establishing a future together. You might wonder how long it will last, or if your partner loves you as much as he or she claims.

In the opening stages of your relationship, you might feel possessive to reassure yourself about your partner’s feelings or the relationship’s stability. The danger in this is that as the relationship becomes established, you might end up using possessive means to keep the relationship “alive”.

Feeling the occasional twinge of jealousy or paranoia is normal. Still, if these feelings impede your happiness or your partner’s happiness, it could ruin even the happiest of relationships. So what can you do if excessive feelings of possessiveness might threaten your relationship? These tips might help you let go of your possessive feelings, or handle a possessive partner:

1) Identify why you’re feeling possessive.  Chances are, your partner may not even be doing anything to warrant these feelings from you. It might be your issues that might make you possessive. If you are in a relationship with a possessive partner, try to understand that he or she might be afraid of you leaving. To help him or her get rid of these fears, take extra steps to reassure your partner you’re in it for the long run.

2) Be true to yourself.  Don’t do things to appease an overly possessive partner, especially if these get in the way of your freedom and happiness. You can verbally reassure your partner about your dedication, or do simple things to make him or her feel secure, but these should never involve giving up your interests or friends.

3) Remind yourself that these are all just feelings. Release your desire to hold on tightly to your partner. When you let go of your need to control, there will be less fuel to feed to the fire of your insecurities.

4) Reassure your partner. Sometimes all your partner might need to get over his or her possessive tendencies is reassurance that he or she is loved.  You don’t have to do grand gestures to make your partner feel secure; it’s the simple things, like a good morning at the start of the day, which will remind your partner that he or she is still important to you.