Relationship Advice on Cheating: When Your Partner Commits Infidelity

If you are married, then think about this. About 30 to 60% of those who are married in the United States have committed infidelity during their marriage. Some would consider that these numbers are very conservative since almost half of the marriage in the country ended in divorce.

These are sad numbers. But should it prevent you from marrying or from entering a relationship? Of course, not. We know that. But what if we are the person what is cheated on? How do we deal with it? How do we recover from the incident?

We cannot run away from the truth or the problem, that is one thing that we should accept. Unless we deal with the problem, it will reflect in other social relationships that we form. No matter how much we tried to deny it, it has happened or perhaps continuously happening. There are two options, either fix the relationship or end it. Either way, commitment from both parties is necessary.

Several things should be understood; why did infidelity happen? Was there something missing in the relationship, which is why the partner was prompted to find a new partner who could provide stimulation? In some situations, abuse may also cause the partner to look for somebody who can rescue them from the situation they are in.

Regardless of the reason, what matters would be the confrontation. What comes after cheating is something that you should be prepared for.

• Facing the Truth

You need to decide on how to confront your partner about the cheating incident. If you have substantial evidence with you, then you could confront them directly. If you don’t, then ask probing questions. Some people would eventually confess when asked. Some would still deny even if they are caught red-handed or if there is substantial evidence against them.

You could still consider this positive since you could learn about the partner’s real identity. Whether it came too late or too early in a relationship, you deserve to know the truth.

When you talk to your partner about the incident, let your emotions, and fears are heard. Don’t be so direct with accusing your partner of cheating. There are cases when infidelity happens because of a threat. The partner, usually a woman, is forced by a colleague at work or another person like sexual harassment and worse, rape. These issues should be handled differently.

• Talk

Talk to somebody; you need to unload all of those emotions you have bottled inside. Talking to a friend, family or professional would help you recover from the infidelity. For couples who have decided to work on their relationships, should have the guidance of a professional so they could talk about their issues.

The good thing with having a third person with the couple when talking about infidelity is that there is a person who could look at the situation objectively. After a lengthy discussion on what is wrong with the relationship, both parties would be able to come up with a resolution.  Trust would be the most significant issue when rebuilding a relationship.  Trust should be earned and should not be rushed.

• What Comes Next?

You and your partner have to decide whether the difference is irreconcilable, or if the relationship could still be saved. Some people would find it difficult to look at their partners upon knowing of their infidelity. Once you have decided that things could not be as they used to be and parting ways would be better, then be consistent about it.

There are some people who would still accept their estranged partner. This would just complicate things. If there are kids involved, then you would probably see them again since they would like to see the children. But make sure that the partner knows about the ground rules.

Never answer cheating with another affair. Just because your partner is cheating on you, you think you have the right to do the same thing. That is the wrong way of thinking and should never be an option.

• The Recovery

Cheating would often affect the self-esteem of those who were cheated on. Common questions would include, “is it me?” “what have I done?” and would end in self-blaming. Affairs and infidelity happen not just because of you. You or your actions can be stressors or factors; however, it is the other partner who decided to cheat on you or have a new relationship.

Aside from talking or signing-up for counselling sessions, give yourself a break. Think about visiting or vacationing to places that you wanted to explore. Sign up for activities that you would be able to enjoy like dancing.  Getting opportunities like this would help you direct your energy and consciousness to activities that would be able to boost your confidence to yourself.

Don’t rush yourself and try to get involved with another person to recover.  If you have unresolved issues with your previous relationship, then it is likely to manifest in new relationships. You should allow yourself to heal.  Think about what had happened, what has led to the event, and how you have handled the situation. It may open the would again, but what you intend is to learn from it.

Take your time; being single would not make you any less of a person that you used to be. Love yourself first, before others would love you. That may sound so cliché, but it just bears the truth to what you have done in your family.