We all manipulate others to some degree – a child might manipulate their parent into thinking the broken vase was an accident, or a boss may manipulate an employee into working harder by hinting at a promotion.
Unfortunately, when you are in relationships, honesty and trust are the foundations, and if you are a manipulator, then your relationships are likely being severely affected. Using manipulation to control situations towards your favour is insidious and can quickly take over a relationship.
Manipulating is something people use to control situations, and that need to control is a telltale sign of insecurity. Often manipulators will use their words as an arsenal to get the control that they so desperately need. Since manipulators are control freaks, and they cannot control situations, they will get the sense of control they “need” from other people by manipulating them.
So what do you do if you are a manipulator? First, you need to recognize it. Always needing others to follow what you do, or to agree with you is a good indicator that you are a manipulator. Now, you need to realize that your manipulation stems from your insecurity.
Humans are flawed by nature, and it is in those flaws we find perfection. Trying to cover up imperfections and insecurities by manipulating, lying, and other ways only cause problems! You need to realize that everyone feels insecure and vulnerable and just because you cannot control a situation that doesn’t mean things will end up in disaster.
Unfortunately, not controlling a situation can be very stressful for someone who is a prolific manipulator, so “letting go” will take some practice. Thankfully, letting the chips fall where they may (so to speak) is something that you need to do! Not only will you have a better understanding of how to deal with stress and anxiety, but those that you have a relationship with will also see a significant improvement in your personality. Rather than others resenting you for your bullheadedness and controlling nature, they will appreciate you’re your attitude change and will enjoy being around you more!
Manipulation is a toxic element that creeps into relationships and seizes control. It can make one or both people resent each other and can cause significant problems as the relationship progresses. Realizing that some situations cannot be controlled and accepting that is the best way to have a healthy and harmonious relationship with your partner and others!